Monday, June 13, 2011

...To Catch a Trout (From my book Between Fact & Fishin')

Once in a while I get the chance
To roll my sleeves and skip The Dance,
And pass on the chance to get in her pants,
To try to catch some trout.

I pack my duds, and buy some food.
I fill my tank with premium crude.
Can’t get arrested fishing nude.
Jus’ wanna catch some trout.

I tie one on, then tie on a fly.
I’ve kissed my lady's lips good‐bye,
In case I drown - in case I die,
While trying to land a trout.

Now by and by, I do real well.
I reel some in, and others... “Oh well.”
I lose a few, but what the Hell,
I tried to catch those trout.

I don’t give up. I try again.
I’m not like other fishin’ men,
I’ll fish until the very end
To try to net one trout.

I’ll fish until the sun gets low.
Those fish ain't got nowhere to go.
I’ll fry them all until they glow
To say “I caught a trout.”

I'll use my rod to harness a bolt,
a bolt of lightning to give 'em a jolt.
I don’t have time for bugs to molt.
I need to bag a trout!

Okay. You’re right. I can’t do that.
Perhaps I’ll take my baseball bat.
I’ll swing it hard and smash ‘em flat.
Now that’ll stop a trout.

If that won’t work, I’ll get a net.
I haven’t met a wet net yet
That couldn’t get a fish upset.
I’ll scoop me out some trout.

I know. I’m sick. I’m just not right.
That alibi won’t be airtight.
That sight might invite an outright fight.
Is all that worth a trout?

I try and try to find a place
Where no one there will see my face,
‘Cause what I do is a disgrace.
But I gotta catch a trout.

I look and look, and nary I find
The piece of water in my mind.
I hope and pray God shall be kind
So I can find those trout.

Until the day I find those streams,
The rolling rivers of my dreams,
Where fish are fat and swim in teams,
I’ll learn about those trout.

I’ll study what they like to eat.
I’ll find out how they can be beat.
I’ll write it all down on my sheet,
And learn to fool some trout.

Perhaps someday I’ll find a spot,
Where water’s cold but fishin’s hot,
And hippies ain’t there smokin’ pot,
So I can snag my trout.

But if I don’t, then no big deal.
The Golden Arches "Fill‐a‐Creel”
"I need a Fillet ‘o’ Fish Extra Value Meal...
I didn’t catch no trout."

I’ll take it home and fill my gut.
I’ll take a load off of my butt,
And contemplate how, when, where and what... 
And why I love these trout.

And if those creeks and streams run dry,
And all those trout just up and die,
And rise to flies in “The Rivers in the Skies,”
Well then...

I got a brand new shotgun I can’t shoot worth a shit either... 
maybe I’ll take up Snipe Hunting.

About Mac

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I am W. Chad McPhail. I'm an outdoor/travel writer, book author, former English teacher, and Amarillo native. 

I spend my spare time traipsing around the mountains and streams of the southwest in search of wild trout with my family, friends, various freeloaders, and other flotsam and jetsan. I used to teach English & Creative Writing. These days I am a Right of Way field agent with Coates Field Service, representing Sharyland Utilities during the construction of a 345 megawatt transmission line from Hereford to Panhandle, Texas. I love exploring the outdoors, fly fishing, backpacking, camping, hiking, kayaking, and yes, writing outdoor and travel books and pieces. I am a field writer of flyfishing, backpacking, camping, and kayaking articles for Suite101.com. I have written many articles for magazines such as Southwest Fly Fishing, Texas Fish & Game, Rocky Mountain Game & Fish, ESPN.com, and more. I have co-penned three books with fishing buddy Mark D. Williams; Colorado Flyfishing: Where to Eat Sleep Fish, 49 Trout Streams of Southern Colorado, and An Introduction to Fly Fishing for Trout.